Ryan Reichman a.k.a "the womanizer"

Ry came home from school the other day and said to me:

"I kissed Kate at school today, now she is my girlfriend and I just love her, we hugged and I really just love her."

Kate is a darling little girl and we know Kate's mom so it has made for some funny facebook messaging. The problem is that this isn't just an isolated incident. The night before this conversation we were at our neighbors and I heard Ry telling his friend Lilly that they needed to kiss-I intercepted this one and saved Lilly from having to kiss Ryan, but it didn't stop him from holding her hand:) He told Lilly's older sister that he is going to marry all 3 of the girls in their family (we need to explain polygamy isn't okay). And this past summer we found out that Ryan asked out 12-year-old neighbor out on a date to get coffee-where he got that we will never know. So needless to say we are going to have to keep our eyes on that kid....

Vulnerable

I feel so vulnerable writing this post, I have thought about it over and over and have been debating back and forth about whether or not to actually post it, but here it goes...

I want another baby-I have actually wanted one for years and haven't been able to.

I really, really don't want to seem like I am complaining-some days are just harder than others and lately things have gotten hard again.

I miscarried in February of 2009 and after that things were hard all the time. The desire for another child became all consuming-sometimes I felt like I was drowning in it. I put walls up around my heart to block out any emotion because I got SO tired of feeling the pain of it breaking each month. I welcomed the stress of applying to law school because it completely distracted me and helped my heart to heal a little bit. I have decided my coping mechanism of feeling numb all the time isn't very healthy so I am trying to let myself hope again. But learning how to hope again is so scary because it opens me back up to feeling things that make me raw inside...

Life is hard, definitely not perfect, not easy, but it can still be wonderful. I know there are things I am learning thru this experience and am so grateful for the gospel to know there is a plan that is so much greater than my understanding. Miracles do happen, I just have to be patient...And I realize the miracles may not be what I expect or want, but they have already happened and will continue to happen.

I am not writing this to get sympathy, or for you to feel bad for me, I want to write this in case there is someone who reads my blog that is going to thru the same thing. I think too often we only post the good things, but no life is perfect and I just want others to know they are not alone in difficult times.