Sunday, August 28, 2011

wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'

I know this song is about finding a husband, but I feel like the opening line describes so well the way I feel about wanting another baby.

I fall into what they call "unexplained" infertility. And while I am pleased to be so healthy, I sometimes find myself wishing something was wrong so that there could be something to fix-some answer to explain what is going on-but they have nothing.

We have started down the path of more intense fertility treatments and because our mental and physical investment has increased the emotional cost has become so much higher. There are times where my heart feels like it is going to burst from the pain that I feel and I start to wonder if I am strong enough to handle this...

They say not to stress, not to worry, not to get frustrated because it only makes the problem worse, but how can you not do all of those things when something you want more than anything in this world is not working out.

...But, I am trying so hard to focus on the love that I feel from those around me and the prayers that I know are being said in our behalf. I think about the hugs I got from my dad on his way to work on a hard day, and the closeness I feel to God as I have had to rely so completely on him. I remind myself that I am SO lucky to already have a child, especially one as incredible as Ryan, when so many don't even have one. I really am trying to be positive, I just have days where my heart is heavy and today was one of those days...

14 comments:

Cheri said...

Oh Anne, my heart hurts for you. I can't imagine. Xoxo

cowbell kelly said...

I had to rephrase what I wanted to say because I kept miss spelling a word:( I can't even look it up on dictionary.com cause I'm spelling it so bad.....lame.

Anyways, I think you're wonderful and probably coping with it better than you think you are. I hope that makes sense......maybe I should have stopped when I couldn't spell.

Holly Park said...

You are amazing and have such an amazing outlook. I always love talking to you and am always here for you! Big luvs your way!

Kacey said...

I'm wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin' for you too Anne. Stay strong girlie! Love you.

Sarah said...

Oh, hugs to you Anne. You are so strong. I'll keep you in my prayers.

MaryAnne said...

I wish this weren't your trial! You and Pete are wonderful parents! Love to you!

Ashley said...

I agree with MaryAnne, I wish this wasnt your trial either. You and Pete are wonderful parents, Ryan is one lucky little guy to have you guys.

margaret said...

love, love, love you guys! Good thing Ryan has enough personality to keep you busy and thoroughly entertained! Has he broken into anyone houses lately? Maybe fed some fish some bagels?! xoxo

Lindsay said...

Anne, I love you and think of you often! I pray some answers come quickly! I spoke on Sunday about being of good cheer, based on one of press. Monson talks from April of 2009. I encourage you to read that talk! It is so comforting to know that our savior is with us thru all our hard times! I know I had to be reminded of this! U r amazing and staying so positive! Love u girl! Xoxo

Jessica Macdonald said...

Thank you for sharing your feelings Anne. You are amazing. That would be so hard.

megan said...

Oh sweet friend, I am so sorry!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Brooke B said...

I am right there with you Anne! One child, not able to have another and that's all you want. I know your coping better than you think you are, and God has a plan for you. It will happen, chin up!

DMBLover said...

Anne,Shelby has been going through infertility problems for the last 7 yrs.No words to describe how hard it is to experience.I lived w her&helped give her shots support etc.trying my hardest not to cry on a reg basis.They have tried every Dr.&clinic on the west coast,spent enough to buy a condo,finally they went back to the U&diagnosed her with perimenipausal?her eggs arent good.But they tried several approaches,&the last try,they thought there were 8 viable eggs,turned out 3.they put em all in with 14% chance of it taking.BUT it did!SO I know u can stay strong,keep hope,keep preying&hopefully they will find out soon whats the cause.Your in my thoughts,especially since Shelby is now trying again.If you want Any Of her Docs names,let me know!cause I really care.YOUR looking fabulous btw Kacey Cherry

The Rogers said...

Anne, you're such an inspiration! And you're a total cutie!!!